It's been over a year since lockdown. Since all of a sudden, our lives were suddenly ripped from us. One year ago, the things that used to identify us no longer did.
It's crazy to think a year ago, I was a sophomore, student-athlete, and effortlessly grinding all of my homework. When we found out we'd have 2 weeks off from school, my friends were jokingly planning a "corona sleepover" so we could "quarantine" together. We all were aching for a break from all the stress and work, and we felt so lucky we could relax. Now it's been over a year, and we all want a break from hybrid learning.
There are things that haven't changed though. I was struggling with my mental health and self-care. The difference between then and now is that I've learned more information about it and I actually had hope for the better. It is so hard to hope for good things when every day is the exact same and there isn't much to do about it. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this, and I want to let everyone know they aren't alone.
Life is hard. It's hard to open up to people, especially writing these blog posts. It's hard to feel motivated to do simple tasks and things that were so easy to do pre-covid seem so much harder. It's hard to want to reach out to people because every day is the same and my social skills are outta wack. We just got used to online learning, and suddenly we're going back fully to school in a few weeks. This stuff is hard.
I've also felt a lot of unworthiness lately. The Armenian Club at my school has been working hard to show awareness to Armenia and Artsakh. After lots of roadblocks, we were able to put up QR codes with links full of information. We pushed for genocide education, but the Massachusetts curriculum guidelines do not have Armenian Genocide education. It sucks feeling like my school and state don't care about me or my people, and I haven't seen most of my Armenian friends for over a year.
Despite all of these shitty feelings, I am trying to feel better. I had to do an English project where I picked up a habit and wrote daily logs about how it made me feel, what did I accomplish, etc. I wanted to give myself more "me" time. It felt so good and relieving to write out everything, and I continue to do this project even though it was already graded. I came out a little more confident which is something I am trying to work on.
I'm trying. I am so burnt out with all of the schoolwork, sat, driving, work, and college stuff I have to do, but I am trying. That's all I can do. It might not work, but at least I can say I put in the effort before giving up and shutting down, something that happens more often than not.
