wow. I've got a lot to unpack which is a funny word choice since my whole room is packed up for college. I move in in a few days and I am so excited! I learned so much about myself this summer, and I thought I'd share since my summer is ending.
I was a camp counselor this year for teen girls at the camp I've gone to since I was nine. It was such a change from being a camper, and it honestly gave me a sense of how to take care of myself in a place where I am an adult. I was so drained by the end of it and I feel like I didn't get to enjoy camp the way I normally did. However, I enjoyed my camp from a different perspective and it felt oddly relaxing. I didn't realize how much of a good impact I made on my campers, all of the campers honestly, and how much they loved me. Some of them still reach out to me with life advice questions, telling me they miss me, or reciting inside jokes or songs I used to blast down the hallways, and I don't think I've felt that kind of love in a while. If they read this, I hope they know how much I cared about them, even the ones that gave me a hard time! I will miss that place like home and whether I go back or not, the Ararat Center has my heart.
I'm still working on believing in myself. I have confidence and I know I can succeed with my skills, but it's hard to think that I'm worthy of all my life has given me sometimes. I realized that so many people care about me and are excited to see me succeed, and I wish I could see myself the way they do. I've seen a difference though, especially since high school. I've forgiven myself and I still have a long way to go.
A big thing about going to college is letting go of a lot of things to create space for new things. And trust me, there are a LOT of new things. It's a little overwhelming, but I think I'll be able to adjust since I'm going early. Letting go was a lot harder than I anticipated. I didn't cry at graduation or anything because, for the most part, nothing is fully leaving my life. It's just strange to see things I love not be mine anymore. Like walking past the band room and realizing that it's not my school anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong I'm so excited to leave high school and go to college, but I just wasn't expecting to leave so much of what I've built at home behind. All of my extracurriculars are going to have new leadership, new people, and new ideas, and I don't know how I feel about that.
I have to leave the only home I remember. And I know it's not permanent so that's why it doesn't bother me too much, but it's a big change. I can't just sit on the couch and take a nap, or practice the saxophone whenever I want. I'm really gonna miss doing errands and listening to music when I drive.
There are so many positives to look forward to though! A new environment to grow in. Meeting people from around the world. Living with my amazing roommate:) Creating my own schedule that's dependent on me is the thing I'm most excited about. Being an adult (soon!) which is still crazy to me because I don't feel old enough to be an adult. Learn in classes that actually benefit me and be with business students and faculty that have similar career paths to what I want. I could keep going, but this post is long enough.
People keep asking me how I feel about going to college, and in short, I'm really excited. Of course, I have my nerves and concerns, but there are so many positives as well and they outweigh my fears. I've put so much effort into my college search process and college prep that I feel comfortable and prepared to start this new chapter in my life:)
