Every day I learn. We all do. It might be something from classes, within ourselves, or other random facts. I choose to welcome learning into my life. Everyone makes mistakes, and that is how they learn. I am choosing to not fault myself for these mistakes, but rather learn from them. And I know how much I've learned so far. In fact, I am so proud of myself for how far I have grown. I am constantly growing and changing to become a better person every day even if it's a small step.
With this mindset, I have forgiven other people's mistakes because they were learning as well. However, I need to make sure I don't discard my emotions by forgiving them so easily. I have been struggling with that recently and people around me have seen me affected.
I deserve love. I can't give out my love to people who don't have any for themselves. Someone told me a phrase recently: "protect your peace" and I am planning to do exactly that. I want my own love, and people who won't forgive me and bring me down do not deserve my love. I want to find value in myself and my life, and I can't do that without my love. I am normally on the receiving end of people leaving my life to focus on themselves, but at this point in life, I understand why people need to leave sometimes.
I'm not gonna lie, I am still carrying pain- my own and others. I still want to help my friends. It took me a long time to realize I can't. And it isn't because I am not strong enough. I know I am. But I sacrificed so much of myself in an attempt to help when I could that I wasn't myself anymore. I didn't have the time, energy, strength, or love to be able to care about myself. I have my own stuff to hold onto, but it kept getting crushed under holding on to my friends' burdens. I realized this week that I deserve better. As painful as it is, I need to step away from a situation to be able to feel myself again. I still don't know who I am, and that's ok. Every day I will keep learning about who I am and who I am not. Taking steps like these and early in my life will help me find who I am and why God put me on this earth.
