As you may know, every year I do what I call my Happy Slips. Every night before I go to bed, I wrote down something that made me happy, and at the end of the year, I open the box and see what a happy year I had. I didn't do many this year because hybrid learning took a toll on me, along with other challenges I faced. There were months where I was miserable, but there were also months I felt like I was on cloud nine.
I noticed that the first half of the year (the end of my junior year) I was a completely different person. I latched onto friendships because of the lack of people in my classes and my cohort. I followed people because I was scared that people wouldn't follow me if I was myself. But then, there came a point in time where I needed to make big decisions for myself. I took great control over my college search process, something I am very proud of, and ensured that wherever I ended up, I would be happy. I also got my license in the spring, and now drive everywhere. I was working on myself and my future, yet I felt lonely. I had friends, but I tended to prioritize them and they didn't prioritize me. I kept putting in more and more effort in hopes it would reciprocate. It didn't. And they never told me why or what I did wrong to deserve that.
Once we went back full-time in April/May, I got really close with my friends in the other cohort. In fact, this year I learned what true friendship really is. The small group that I hang out with now has so much love, kindness, and care and we lift each other up to accomplish our goals. We laugh a lot, and we realized that we don't need a big group of people to make us happy. I am so lucky that we got close this year, and even though people always talk behind your back, we have each other to keep going. True friends are proud of you and encourage self-growth. And that's what we do.
2021 doesn't feel like the end of anything. No new beginnings. My new beginnings happened throughout the year. Senior year was a new beginning. Maneuvering around the social groups of senior year was a new beginning. This year, I am setting boundaries for myself and focusing on the things I love. I am so tired of being mad and angry at the world, so I choose to love this year. I am choosing to love myself.
