Lately, I have been looking back at old photos of me. I never thought I changed that much, but when I look at these photos I see how I used to feel within. I see the days when I hated my body. I see the times when I was such a people-pleaser and bent over backward for people who didn't even care about me. I did change physically too. I work out a lot more now and I do rugby which keeps me active. I also take care of myself more, and my body is starting to change for the better because of that. I've never stuck to taking care of myself for this long before, and it's scary sometimes. But when I look at my progress, I start to feel accomplished.
I was talking to my lifelong best friend today and she was so proud of me for setting boundaries in situations now. It didn't even occur to me that I was doing it and now it's starting to become normal for me. I feel less guilty the more that I set boundaries and am more confident in myself now. It's such a good feeling knowing that people who I genuinely care about and who have seen me grow can see how much I've changed for the better.
Ever since prioritizing putting myself first in January, I have grown in ways I could've never imagined. I go to therapy almost weekly. I was never the kind of girl who felt like I could talk to someone who was paid to listen, but having a professional help me pick my brain instead of overthinking is super helpful. And it also helps that I love my therapist. It's nice to have guidance at this point in my life where I'm doing a lot more on my own and a lot of big adulty things happen in my life every day.
I know that my life isn't perfect all of the sudden. I know I still have things to sort out and improve on. And everyone has bad days, bad weeks, and bad months. But knowing that everyday people are fighting their demons alongside me helps me keep going. I also know that the people I hold close in my life truly care about me, but they don't need to care for me anymore. My family, friends, suitemates, and teammates are all great people and I feel like the love I give out is finally being reciprocated. I feel strong that I am able to recognize these feelings. I feel strong that I'm not as burnt out as I was last semester. And it's a great ass feeling:)
