This year I stopped writing. I felt like it wasn't worth it since Auntie Lily died. She was the reason I continued to write. I emailed her from a young age and updated her on things I was doing in school and articles I wrote for my elementary school newspaper. From there, it became this blog and school assignments I did well on. Once high school hit, I've been writing about the lessons I've learned and the growth I've done. This continued through my adjustment to college, but it's been a year since I've thought about this blog. I'm not even sure if she read these in the last few years of her life, but Auntie Lily has always been an inspiration for me to keep writing. Since her passing and speaking at her funeral, it felt like the conclusion to my writing. I lost my voice, and I couldn't get myself to write.
Recently, I got a tattoo of two lilies to have a constant reminder of her with me. I've started to get my groove back in writing now that I feel her alongside me through everything I do. Now, I begin to write the epilogue.
Something that I've learned through my junior year in college is the strength needed to lead. I am a leader in all the groups I am a part of on campus, and it was strange at first to be the one who was supposed to answer their questions. I have found so much value in checking in on my peers and gaining insights into their lives and how my groups can help them. Especially the freshmen, who are still adjusting to college life. The people I used to look up to graduated last year, and now I feel like I'm paying it forward by being someone worthy to look up to. I've learned it takes a lot of emotional energy to be able to do such, and balancing that took time for me. At the end of the day, I care so deeply about the people around me that sometimes I forget to take care of myself, but I am working on that:) Through my faith in the Lord and my teams around me, I have been able to start putting my needs first without damaging the quality of my work. I ask for help with no guilt, and do what I can to make my members enjoy their commitments as much as I do. These qualities have shaped me to be a better leader, and I can't wait to continue to learn and grow the more I lead.
Every day, I heal and learn more and more. Being an open learner and accepting small mistakes and little wins has allowed me to reflect. I feel like a good human, and it feels good. I hold on to these feelings of joy and acceptance as long as I can because the world needs more positivity in it. I'm really grateful that I can express my feelings, happy or sad, and the strength in that. I hope that writing will continue to be an avenue where I can do so and that I will be able to keep writing my epilogue.
